Category: Emotions, Anxiety and Mood

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

Stress seems to be so prevalent in everyone’s life today – how many times do you hear it from your friends? How many times do you say it yourself?

We’ve learned that stress is a highly significant contributor to disease. The World Health Organization estimates that by the year 2020, stress related disorders will be the second leading cause of disabilities in the world. Everything we know about stress – either real or perceived – acute or chronic affects your health. Stress changes the way your neurotransmitters relay information and your hormonal pathways. It is never too late to do something about stress – once you can look at your stress and come up with a plan minimize and reduce it – you may see an improvement in your overall health.

Women all experience stress in different ways

As women, we tend to have a nurturing response that can tend to put us in positions where we are trying to care for everyone but ourselves. There is a belief with some scientists that during times of stress this response may actually strengthen. The reasoning behind this theory stems from the evolutionary instinct women have to protect themselves and their offspring during times of stress.

Short term stress is the kind of stress we feel when we have a deadline – or when driving in hazardous road conditions. Symptoms of short term stress may include an increased heart rate, sleep disturbances, increased blood pressure, irritability, headaches or muscle tension, decreased memory, fuzzy thinking and poor eating habits.

Chronic or long term stress is stress that stays with us for months – or even years. We know that psychological stress disrupts blood sugar metabolism which can be a key factor in diabetes. Chronic stress also affects our immune systems and increases the risk for lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, hypothyroidism and allergies. Studies conducted in 2006 showed a direct correlation between stress and cardiovascular disease. In a recent study conducted with 58 women – those under high levels of stress showed an increase in oxidative stress and cellular aging!

I always urge women to look at the sources of their stress. While some of these sources might be difficult to admit, they are easy to recognize. Sometimes stress comes from a job you love but has changed, other times from a relationship. Long term stress can develop from experiences in our childhoods. The ACE – Adverse Childhood Event – Study (1998) showed that children who experienced adverse childhood events were more apt to have adverse health conditions or disease as adults. Some of the adverse childhood events which were reported are:

•  Growing up with an alcoholic
•  Growing up with a drug user
•  Recurrent sexual, emotional or physical abuse
•  Living with someone who was mentally chronically depressed or who was treated  violently
•  If a child in some way was separated from a parent – through death, divorce, illness or  separation

Dealing with emotional stress is one piece of your happiness – but I know from years of practice that stress is a larger piece of our physical wellness than many people have considered.

Every woman has a different journey when getting to the root cause of her stress – and everyone resolves their stress differently. During this time its so important lessen the effects of stress on your body.

Here’s what I recommend to my patients:

Practice healthy eating! I suggest three meals and two snacks per day. The stress hormone cortisol is released when your blood sugar is low, so keep your body fueled well to lessen this stress. Choose good protein sources, lots of nutrient rich fruits and vegetables and high quality fats.

Create some relaxation practices. Whether you journal for fifteen minutes a day, walk for 30 or connect with a friend – find a time each day to relax. You may even want to try yoga, acupuncture or reiki. Whatever helps you quiet your parasympathetic nervous system is the right thing for you.

Consider taking a multivitamin. When you are under stress your body needs all the support you can give it! While we would like to think that we can get all our nutritional needs from the foods we eat, in this day and age its difficult. Close any gap you might have with a dietary supplement.

If you may want to explore uncovering deep seated emotional stress you may want to consider: psychotherapy, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or a fantastic program offered by the Hoffman Institute known as the Quadrinity Process.

While we all may experience stress every day in our lives, we don’t have to let it overpower us or prevent us from living the lives we want.

I know from personal experience that taking the time to lessen stress and resolve stressors in your life isn’t always easy. I also know from my own experience and from talking with women every day that it is well worth it. Take the time for you!

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

“As humans, it’s our great fortune that any negative patterns we are capable of learning, once we become aware of them, we are also capable of unlearning” – The Hoffman Process

The issues for women are quite clear cut when it comes to emotional needs. By nature, women tend to be the caregivers to everyone – but themselves. In fact, most women put their needs on the back burner until everyone, and everything else is tended to. As demands pile up, women take them on, and find many excuses to put off their own needs for rest and renewal. This leads to exhaustion both emotionally and physically. Why do we put ourselves last on our list of priorities? And more importantly, how can we change that?

Oftentimes women are stuck in this pattern of self-denial because of their “personal stories”, or the lifelong emotional issues hampering their ability to care for themselves effectively. These stories take up a lot of room in our minds and our bodies! One method we find highly valuable to women who are seeking a way to address emotional issues is the Hoffman Quadrinity Process. This transforming program helps women integrate the four essential aspects of their being — emotions, intellect, physical body, and spirit.

A 2006 study done at the University of California Davis, found that participants in the Hoffman Quadrinity Process did as well as, or even better than, those who utilized other interventions to reduce anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive symptoms, and interpersonal sensitivity. The study not only showed success for the long term, but also found significant improvement in vitality, energy, emotional intelligence, spirituality, and forgiveness.

Raz Ingrasci, President of the Hoffman Institute, shared with us what this process teaches women, so they can better understand emotional health.

Emotions speak first, actions speak loudest

Most people realize that their emotional brain reacts much more quickly than their intellectual brain. When our emotions speak, they produce actions or reactions, as the case may be, and our intellect hangs back while this process goes on until our emotions have settled down. It is safe to say that our actions are mostly guided by how we feel, not by how we think.

“Think back to the last time we felt humiliated, upset, angry, or insulted”, says Raz. “It only takes a millisecond to put us in a state of paralysis. We’re reeling, trying to come up with words to use in conversation, but we’re struck dumb”.

It can take from minutes to hours to be able to articulate the feelings we had, or what occurred because of them, and this happens for nearly everyone. Raz estimates that at least 80 percent of our behavior stems from our emotional brains. This can cause confusion, especially when we know our ensuing reactions may be counterproductive.

Raz says one way to fix this dilemma is to begin to identify our emotions. When we do this, we are activating the intellectual part of our brain.

“The naming of an emotion takes place in the intellectual brain, though the feeling itself exists in the emotional brain”, he says. “When it is named, those two spheres are connected and you feel more whole”.

This is the first step towards improving our lives. When we recognize an emotion and pay attention to that, we are not burying it, which tends to cause the same emotion to resurface whenever it’s triggered. Raz reminds us of an old axiom, “What you can feel, you can heal”.

When we recognize the power of our emotions, we can tap into them, and use their power advantageously, towards healing.

Note: If the emotions are overpowering or frightening, it’s best to seek professional help while working through this process.

“The best way to begin dealing with an unwanted emotion is to allow yourself to experience it. Become aware of your feelings and move with them, allowing your body to experience your sensations”, says Raz.

Family patterns and negative love

Once we can identify our feelings, the next step is to figure out where they came from. Many of our behaviors are learned from our parents, both mimicking them, and seeking their approval, attention, and love. Bob Hoffman, creator of the Hoffman Process, calls this Negative Love Syndrome.

Until behavior patterns change, they intend to repeat. Negative love syndrome is no different. We often seek relationships as adults that provide us the same or similar emotional feedback we received as children. It makes sense, because this is the way we learned about love and relationships!

There is a real reason why people may say to you “You married your father” or “You have become your mother”. Your parents taught you their perception of how adults behave, and what love is supposed to look like. They likely received the same information from their own parents, continuing both positive and negative patterns and perceptions throughout generations, essentially unquestioned.

We can change who we are and what we’ve learned

We learn early on, as children, how to elicit the love we need from our parents and our caregivers, and when that did not always work, we learned to blame ourselves. As children, we cannot understand or accept our parent’s dismissal of us – for whatever reason – as anything but rejection, that we somehow created. Maybe we thought we were being bad, or were unworthy of love. We internalize these feelings and they grow with us, persisting into adulthood.

Some of the unconscious reasons for adopting negative behavior patterns from our parents, according to Bob Hoffman, include:

•  The hope that our parents will love us if we are like them.
•  To vindictively punish our parents by reflecting their negativity back to them.
•  To punish ourselves for feeling unworthy and unlovable.

These negative love strategies will not only cause us difficulties in our adult relationships, but also can affect our physical health if left unexamined. While we may feel discouraged when we realize these negative emotional and behavioral patterns began early in our childhood, they were learned. This means with practice and patience we can unlearn them and change our lives. As children we have few choices, but as adults, we have plenty. This is the goal of the Hoffman Process for emotional healing.

From human doing to human being

Tim Laurence, author of The Hoffman Process, discusses how to transition from a “human doing” into a “human being”. This concept is quite simple. We react or do as we have been shown or taught in any given situation. But The Hoffman Process helps us unwind this programming by examining all of the parts of ourselves – our emotions, intellect, body, and spirit. We take a close look at those factors along with the subsequent patterns we have developed, and we decide what we want to keep and what we don’t. These choices are very empowering, and allow us to have a more spontaneous, free, open, and loving life.

The Hoffman Process is focused on helping us become more authentic and real. It shows us how to be ourselves, and not wear the mask we created to meet everyone else’s expectations. This is an amazing way to repair and restore our emotional health.

This process is also a wonderful way for women to put themselves on their own to-do list. Negative emotional patterns do not have to dictate who we are, or our way of life. There are many tools we can utilize in this process to become whole again.

To see if the Quadrinity Process is right for you, read this list of statements and think about them in your own personal context.

•  I feel that something is holding me back and I want to take the limits off.
•  I experience too much stress and I’m not having enough fun.
•  I know what I should do, but often can’t generate the will to do it.
•  I often feel angry, resentful, embarrassed or depressed.
•  I flip flop between dominating and intimidating people below me and avoid being  dominated by people above me,
•  I feel intimidated, coerced, and manipulated and can’t stand up for myself.
•  I work compulsively, often to the detriment of other aspects of my life.
•  Meaning is going out of my marriage, my career, or life in general. I often feel I’m just going through the motions.
•  There’s a lack of intimacy in my life — I’ve been unsuccessful in creating relationships.
•  I’m either unemotional or disconnected from my feelings or my feelings are running me.
•  I’m in recovery from substance abuse (clean and sober for 90 days minimum) and want to deal with the original pain that led to addiction.
•  I recognize that my parents were not as loving and supportive as I wanted them to be, or that bad things happened in my childhood.
•  I see myself passing my own suffering on to my children.

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

Many women operate in an ever-present state of low anxiety or worry, also called generalized anxiety that may blossom into episodes of full-blown panic attacks, phobia or anxiety disorders during times of psychological stress or biological change — like menopause.

A majority of my patients with chronic anxiety are so accustomed to living with it – often since childhood — that they don’t even mention it until I ask or until they begin perimenopause and their anxiety symptoms worsen.

Anxiety and worry are knots of both emotions and physiology feelings. Most psychologists look at anxiety as purely emotional: the outward sign of repressed negative feelings and inner conflict. But over 30 years of scientific research into severe anxiety disorders and panic attacks has established that all anxiety has a real, physiological cause that is just as important to treat — especially for relief of anxiety related to hormonal imbalance.

This is good news. It means that anxiety symptoms that were once dismissed as character flaws (think of the terms “worry wart”, “head case” and “control freak”) are not feelings you just have to live with or medicate when they get too severe for you to function. There’s a lot more to the story — and a lot that you can do to get that monkey of anxiety off your back.

What is anxiety?

Everyone experiences anxiety or feels panicky from time to time: the shaky knees and thudding heart, the shortness of breath, and the mind going a million miles per minute. Part of what keeps us alive is our ability to feel fear. In fact, we are made with a kind of built-in alarm system that brings the full weight of our mental and physical prowess to bear in the face of danger — the “fight or flight” response.

The limbic system, the parts of the brain responsible for orchestrating our emotions, including the fight or flight response, relies on a complicated interplay between neurotransmitters and hormones to fuel the body and mind to deal with a perceived enemy.

What’s not natural is to feel afraid and upset most of the time without any tangible cause. Like our immune response, our fight or flight response is meant to click into action in the face of danger and then rest. But in our day and age, too many of us never get to relax: our minds are perpetually on high alert with the accompanying physical response.

It’s no exaggeration to say there is an epidemic of anxiety. Over 19 million American adults and millions of children have anxiety disorders ranging from mild to severe. And the statistics only count the people reporting their anxiety symptoms to doctors. I know from my practice that there are many more on the mild to moderate scale who feel reluctant or even ashamed to admit their anxiety.

Our culture tells us that feelings of fear, vulnerability, and even shyness are signs of weakness — which makes anxiety the fault of the victim. Women are taught from childhood to “grin and bear it.” The people who accuse us of medicalizing anxiety are not being helpful. The truth is that telling women to suffer through anxiety is just as terrible as telling them that drugs are the only remedy for anxiety and panic attacks. Neither is correct.

Let’s start by looking at the major types and symptoms of anxiety and then examine the real roots of anxiety. That’s where we’ll find solutions.

Severe anxiety disorders

Severe panic and anxiety disorders like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social phobias, and stress disorders affect only a small minority of anxiety sufferers.

Severe anxiety disorders are highly treatable but require medical diagnosis. If you think you may be experiencing any of these disorders, contact your healthcare practitioner right away. Different approaches that include drugs and cognitive-behavioral therapies (such as exposure therapy) are proving to be very successful.

One hot topic of study is the connection between anxiety disorders and genetics, because anxiety disorders clearly run in families. At Women to Women, we think genes are a factor in some anxiety disorders, but generally not the most important factor. More often than not, anxious women grew up in anxious households. Anxiety is usually a learned behavior that can be unlearned — even when it’s severe. We’ll return to this topic after we explore generalized anxiety disorder, which affects many more women than the severe anxiety disorders.

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

Many years ago, I noticed that women who were dealing with unrecognized emotions didn’t achieve the level of wellness they were hoping for. It became so clear that our emotions play a significant role in how we feel physically. In some instances, modern medicine will only take a patient so far – addressing the patients emotional needs becomes a critical piece of the picture.

Many women are surprised when I talk with them about the connection between their emotional health and wellness – others have been able to correlate physical symptoms – migraines, trouble with digestion or even heart palpitations. I’ve seen many women who have unknowingly held on to emotional experiences from their past and are now seeing the influence on their health today.

A groundbreaking study was published in the 1990’s. It is known as the ACE Study – Adverse Childhood Event Study. The researchers found that adults who had traumatic childhoods were much more likely to suffer from disease such as heart disease, alcoholism, and diabetes as adults.

It’s evident to me that that stress and emotions aren’t the only pieces to good health but we’re finding that they play a larger role in health, wellness and healing than we have known before.

At Women to Women we help women to always search for the root cause of their health issues. Sometimes these root causes are not easily seen and when it comes to really looking at stress and emotions, it may take time – and some help. YOU are worth it!

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

I talk with almost every patient about stress. Most of our patients report having moderate to high stress levels. Some are surprised when our discussions lead to the conclusion that they are actually experiencing chronic stress. When this happens, our adrenal glands secrete cortisol too frequently.

The symptoms associated with memory and cognition makes many women fearful. Many women breathe a sigh of relief when I share with them that the most common cause for changes in brain function is stress.

Chronic stress from trauma, your job, a difficult relationship – or any situation which causes you stress – can have effect on your brain. These are:

• Disruption in the production of neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters help regulate cognitive function and our moods.
• Changes at a cellular level in the hippocampus – this is the part of the brain that controls memory and learning.
• Decreased ability to clean up inflammation and free radicals which can lead to accelerated brain aging.

It’s evident that decreasing your stress will affect your memory and cognition in a positive way. We know that women today are dealing with more stress than ever before – more responsibilities, higher expectations, less time and managing a constant flow of information. We all have different ways to cope with and manage stress. You may want to consider making a list or keeping a journal of the situations that cause you the most stress. Once you’ve written things down, it may be easier to think about solutions.

Eating regularly will keep your blood sugar stable which keeps your brain functioning efficiently. Eating three meals and two snacks per day will keep your brain fueled for learning, paying attention and remembering! Be sure to include lean protein, carbohydrates and good quality fats every time you eat.

Sleep is critical for good brain function. Most adults need seven to nine hours sleep per night. There are wonderful herbs to help you fall asleep and stay asleep. Passionflower, valerian root and chamomile can all be helpful.

Exercise mindfully. While the benefits of exercise cannot be debated for overall health, if exercise is causing stress, you may want to rethink how, where and why you are exercising. Try to find a form of exercise you enjoy, and ones which fit into your lifestyle – both time and location might be important.

When your body is under stress, there may be a gap in its nutritional demands and the nutrients you take in through your diet. Please consider taking a high quality multivitamin and omega-3 supplement (Women to Women has specially formulated products to offer). Even without the additional demands stress places on our bodies, it can be difficult to take in the nutrients we need. A body – and brain – under stress needs more.

Take time several times a day to breathe – deeply and mindfully. Deep breathing in through your nose can engage your parasympathetic nervous system which may help keep your brain calm.

You may want to consider herbal support to help decrease the impact of stress on your brain and body. Siberian ginseng, astragulus root, cordyceps, and rhodiola are all good choices.

Addressing stress on every level will help restore the balance you need.

For more information on this topic, read our article, “Am I Losing My Mind?  What You Can Do About Fuzzy Thinking.”

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

In the years I’ve been working with patients, I’ve witnessed such profound changes with women who have been experienced emotional healing. Many times we’ve worked together to heal imbalances in their bodies which are creating a set of uncomfortable and unwanted symptoms – but some don’t reach the level of wellness they’d like without addressing their emotional health.

For years I sought a program I could recommend to my patients – one which I could feel confident in. For the past 20 years I have recommended the Hoffman Institute. Hoffman is an organization dedicated to helping people learn more about themselves, their patterns which create self-defeating behaviors and to heal emotional wounds. The program requires dedication from the attendees – but I guarantee the results are worth it!  Those who attend begin to understand their patterns of behavior and how it affects their day-to-day and long term goals. The program also helps change the way you interact and understand other people.

Raz Ingraszi, President of the Hoffman Institute, tells us that if our negative feelings aren’t resolved in some way, they can cause both emotional and physical pain until they are worked through. He further states that our emotions guide the quality of our lives. When you really think about that statement – it’s so powerful. Especially since most of us tend to disregard or bury our emotions – especially our painful ones. When we can begin to overcome the past, we can dramatically improve our lives. The Hoffman Institute suggests that the best way to become aware of your feelings is not to judge or criticize them, but to allow yourself to experience them. This allows healing to take place.

The ACE – Adverse Childhood Events Study – was completed some years ago. The study evaluated individuals who had emotionally troubled childhoods and the way these individuals manifested physical ailments as adults. The data was astounding! The more emotional stress individuals suffered as children, the more likely they were to have chronic health concerns like cancer or heart disease as adults!

The Hoffman Process helps attendees take steps toward healing by bringing about awareness of both the negative and positive feelings, allowing the expression of feelings, finding emotional forgiveness for themselves and others, and to establish new behaviors.

There’s a saying that the greatest journey we will ever take is to travel the distance from our hearts to our heads. The Hoffman Quadrinity Process takes individuals on that journey. I can tell you from personal experience that it’s a journey of incredible love, freedom and healing.

by Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP

You probably know someone who always seems to be angry. It might even be you? How you cope with your feelings of anger is an important factor that can predict your long-term health. Suppressed anger is associated with higher death rates, higher risk for some cancers, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

Anger in women is frowned on, even though it is a natural emotion, because there are few women who are taught to express their anger in a positive manner. As young girls, we were told that anger should be avoided. As adult women, we struggle to untangle our anger from other emotions, such as anxiety and depression. The newer generation of younger women might be a little better off, having been reared with more liberal teachings, and yet most of us find ourselves feeling unsettled with our anger, which often simmers and then explodes at random times.

Anger is powerful. With the best use of anger, we can clarify our objectives and anger can guide us to safety. However, in the worst use, it takes a toll on our health, happiness, and affects our loved ones in negative ways. We need to learn to utilize anger for its benefits and understand its biological and emotional roots.

Fight or flight

When we sense danger, there is an intuitive response of “fight or flight.” If we are afraid, then we want to take flight or flee the potential confrontation that is in front of us. If we are angry, then we want to get ready to defend or fight. These emotions are primal in nature and help guarantee our survival. There are two almond-shaped structures (amygdala) in our brains that are responsible to recognize danger and sound the alarm to your system. When danger is near, your central nervous system releases its physiological floodgates. This can often happen before the thinking part of your brain (prefrontal cortex) is even aware of the danger.

When you become angry, there are neurotransmitters (catecholamines) in your brain that release and cause a bolt of energy for about five to ten minutes. Your heart beats faster; your blood pressure rises, and your arms and legs get extra blood flow. You get a rush of adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol and enter an altered state of consciousness, ready to “fight.” You might even stop thinking (rationalizing). That is why you might not recall what you said or did when you were extremely angry.

This anger system is the same for everyone. What is different is your specific ability to control the instinct. Controlling your anger depends on a variety of factors, which include physiological, biographical, emotional, learned, and gender-related behavior.

Women and anger

As mentioned in the first part of this article, it’s not nice for women to be seen as angry. However, society seems to accept that men tend to be more aggressive to be protective. Many people can ignore a man who explodes with anger, but women who voice their anger are frowned on.

Biologically, the “male” hormone testosterone (high and low levels) has been linked to aggression and irritability in men. Women who also have a testosterone imbalance might have the same symptoms, but they express it differently. It’s not clear if angry people have more testosterone by generating it while they are angry or if their testosterone levels cause an anger response.

As you are probably aware, men are more likely to react to another person or object in anger (external), whereas women will express anger toward others indirectly or at themselves (internal). Younger women have learned to better express their anger, but it’s often anger that is misdirected toward a “safe” target (such as a spouse or child) instead of the primary source. There is still work to do in helping everyone, no matter what age, learn to appropriately deal with angry feelings. In my experience, guilty feelings in women are often traced to misdirected anger. Studies on gender and anger indicate that women usually feel shame, guilt, and resentment after an angry outburst.

Here’s a thought for you to consider. The health risks that apply to men (heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure and social isolation) also affect women when they are more hostile, competitive, impatient, and aggressive. What will your anger cost you in your personal life, your family life, and your career?

Alternatively, stifling angry feelings is not appropriate and doesn’t make those feelings go away. In fact, the same response occurs, with exactly the same risks, whether or not you actively get angry with someone. If you try to hide your anger, then it will probably come out in another form, such as anxiety, depression, irritability, resentment, chronic pain, and addictive or self-destructive behavior.

How can you know when anger is healthy and positive? The answer is in understanding what activates your anger. If you can identify what it is that makes you angry and what you can do to control your anger appropriately, then it can be expressed at the right time and place, in an appropriate way. Your anger will be constructive and will not be wasted on shame, guilt, and resentment.

Some of the common roots of anger in women

Anger is a primitive emotion that may have even been influenced by our experience in utero, and the triggers are a learned behavior. If you were brought up by an angry parent or if you were exposed to an explosive (for example, alcoholic) household, there is a good possibility that your brain has learned what “angry” mode is. Newer Research is bearing this out.

If one or both of your parents was passive-aggressive, controlling, or suppressed anger, then that is part of your internal emotional experience as well. If you experienced or witnessed physical or emotional abuse, this can create suppressed anger that may surface years later. A child models the behavior of his or her parents and usually passes the behavior on, unless there is a conscious decision to change that vicious cycle.

You’ve probably also heard of the “good girl syndrome.” You might have been the peacekeeper between your parents—one who was explosive and one who was submissive, and you tried to be the good girl to make things better between them. Even today, women hear comments such as “Let’s not be too bitchy” or “Is it PMS?”

There are other triggers too. One overlooked cause is your diet and what you put into your body. Have you ever heard of the term “hangry”?  This is when your body lacks proper nutrition throughout the day and your mood shifts to anger Hungry-Anger. To help deter this from happening, I suggest that you eat three balanced meals and two snacks daily to help keep your moods stable. If you’ve skipped a meal and then overreacted to someone or something, then you know that hunger affects your anger response. While you are usually more irritated than angry, this can be the start of your anger cascade process. If you can eat regular, healthy meals throughout the day, this will help prevent emotional reactions that are really a response to your need for nourishment.

Keep in mind that it’s not only when you eat, but it’s also what you eat that matters. Studies show that a standard, high-fat, high-sugar U.S. diet makes everyone irritable! According to research, families who chose to eat a diet that was low in damaged saturated fats (the kinds of fats found in fast foods and over-processed, packaged foods) had less depression, less hostility, and lower cholesterol levels.

Balanced meals should include lean proteins, healthy fats, and lots of fresh, non-starchy vegetables. A balanced meal is more likely to have a low glycemic load, and this lets your body and your temper remain on a level mode (not too high and not too low). You can maintain steady levels of insulin and serotonin by eating foods that are low on the glycemic index. These foods support a calmer mood. Even adults are more likely to have temper tantrums if they continually overdose on high-glycemic foods (such as simple sugars), especially if they are under a lot of stress. Also remember the more color on your plate the more likely that you have a plate filled with antioxidants and fabulous nutrients.

And here’s another thought – excessive, unhealthy fats, refined sugars, and toxins put added stress on your liver. In order to digest these foods properly, your liver has to create more bile. The word “bilious” means peevish and irritable! So your overworked liver will directly affect your mood. In traditional Chinese medicine, the liver creates a relaxed and harmonious internal environment through the smooth disbursement of bodily fluids. The concept of “flying off the handle” is attributed to disharmony in the liver, and a sudden emotional shift can affect liver function.

If you have a low serotonin level, this could be another cause of anger traced to poor nutrition. At Women to Women, we see depression as anger that is turned inward. If you take antidepressants for depression symptoms, this might boost your serotonin levels and your mood temporarily, but it won’t be a long-term solution if your anger is undiagnosed. If you have symptoms of depression, it will benefit you to examine your relationship to anger, how well you are able express anger (if at all), and how things might change if you can explore your feelings.

Depression and anger are influenced by an imbalance of hormones. This is a primary reason why women who are perimenopausal or menopausal, might have emotions of both depression and anger during this time of change.

Are hormones and anger connected?

Mood swings and irritability are two symptoms of fluctuations in hormone levels and occur during pregnancy, PMS, perimenopause and/or menopause. In your body, the emotion of anger creates pro-inflammatory molecules. Estrogen has some anti-inflammatory qualities, and progesterone has a calming effect. This explains why women might find themselves angrier when their progesterone-to-estrogen ratios become erratic during perimenopause. Some women experience cortisol dominance or testosterone imbalance and this contributes to anxiety and hostility.

When I talk with my patients, they express surprise at their first experience with anger during perimenopause and menopause. Changing hormones are a challenge to the flexible endocrine system. It’s similar to the few days before our menstrual periods started (when our hormones let our “true” feelings come out) and menopause is also a time when the true feelings of anger come out.

I suggest that you see your anger as a source of power. It is the emotion that helps you “fight” for what is yours. This is a great time to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Let’s review ways to channel that anger that serves you and your best purpose.

Anger: The Women to Women approach

I don’t know anyone who wants to associate with an angry, irritable person. People who are always angry are just usually tuned out. If you want to express your anger in a positive way, then you need to teach your brain to think before you act, especially if you are someone that becomes impulsive or is extremely angry. Or you might want to be able to tell someone close to you when you are becoming angry and use that energy to shift and find ways to channel that energy for positive results.

One suggestion is that you need to be sure that there is no physical reason that may be contributing or causing your anger. Then you are then better able to explore ways to release your anger and move forward. It is very rare, but pressure from a brain tumor can provoke aggressive behavior. If you’ve tried taking action and it doesn’t help, please check with your doctor. Here are some considerations for you to optimize your healthy lifestyle.

Support your hormonal balance and serotonin levels with optimal nutrition. Take a daily pharmaceutical grade multivitamin/mineral complex that is rich in calcium, magnesium, and a quality omega-3 fatty acid supplement. Try not to eat damaged fats, processed foods, and simple sugars. Be sure to eat healthy fats, such as extra-virgin olive oil and foods that are rich in omega-3’s. If you think that your anger is related to PMS or perimenopause, then progesterone might restore a healthy ratio among estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.

Support your liver function. It’s great to eat a healthy diet, but you might consider supporting your liver function by trying a detoxification program. If you’re angry, don’t drink alcohol, as it will make you feel more irritable, angry, and depressed. Try liver-cleansing supplements or herbs, such as milk thistle and dandelion. These can help heal and maintain the health of your liver.

Support your nervous system. Cut back or discontinue caffeine and nicotine. These are very hard on your nervous system. Be sure to take supplements that include adequate amounts of omega-3 fatty acids, particularly DHA and EPA. These help insulate and protect your nerve cells.

Use a diary to track your patterns of anger. It can be helpful to notice if you become irritable at specific times of the month, after eating certain foods, or under special circumstances. If you can learn to know in advance when these triggers set off the stress in your body, you can retrain your reaction, and allow the “thinking” part of your brain to take control. Counting to ten really does work! It will take some practice, but continue to work on your response to your anger and it will make a difference in your life.

Find ways to cope in the moment. In addition to counting to ten, try taking deep breaths, meditation, visualization, or remove yourself from the source of anger. After the feelings of anger are over, take time to clear your head and explore your emotions. Find a better way to release the anger from your body.

Consider releasing anger through physical activity. Another way to feel better emotionally is to have a good workout. This might mean that you turn up the music (if you’re alone) and scream out your anger. Or you can pound a pillow with a plastic bat, use a punching bag, or work in the garden to help clear your head and eliminate any anger you might be feeling. Find a way to express your anger in a physical, safe way to get it out of your body.

Consider releasing anger through creativity. Sometimes a creative activity that appeals to you can help heal your anger. Let your true self show in your creation. It can be preparing a meal, painting, doing a craft project, singing, or dancing. It can truly be anything creative that allows you to express yourself and release your anger in a positive manner.

Give anger a voice. Once you get over the initial feeling of anger and you’re calm, speak your truth and share your feelings. Don’t direct the anger at someone, but discuss why you are hurting and how you feel. If you don’t want to talk about it, write it in a letter or journal. Some people find burning what they have written can help decrease their anger. By writing it down, you can revisit the anger patterns and see triggers and reactions. You’ll then be able to act in a rational and powerful way that won’t leave you feeling guilty. You can decide to channel your emotions to create change and make things better in your home, your community, and the world.

Don’t be scared to ask for support. As you are aware, anger is a complex emotion, and it might have been building inside you for many years. If you need help to explore your feelings or identify your anger patterns, consider emotional freedom techniques, like the Quadrinity Process, or talk to a therapist. The key is to know your real feelings and where they come from, and then you can develop coping tools.

Put anger in its place

Angry women can be the source for change for the better. It’s the feeling of anger and the response to that feeling that helps to fight injustice and intolerance. However, if the anger is misplaced or continues, then there is no power to effect change and it can damage your health greatly. So consider exploring for yourself how to begin to take simple steps to put your anger in a place that helps you as opposed to gets in your way, which it can do when you are not able to understand where it is coming from. Take some of the suggestions to heart and know when you do that your life can take a turn for the better.