Low Sex Drive – Why It Happens and How To Change It
Maybe it’s time to buy a copy of the song “Let It Go” from Frozen and make that your new theme! Are there new ways to nurture yourself such as a candlelit bath or a massage? Could you get support from your partner or someone close to you who will just sit and listen so that you can vent and release?
Maybe you can find creative release or new forms of self-expression such as painting, journaling, singing, meditating, yoga or tai chi to help you cope? There are many ways to reduce stress so you just need to find the practices that engage you, fit into your life and bring you peace and joy.
Emotional Causes of Low Sex Drive
Now that we’ve looked at some of the many physical causes for reduced sex drive, let’s look at a few of the emotional ones. The brain is the biggest and most important sexual organ: what we think about sex, and how we feel about ourselves and our partner plays a huge role in our sexual experience. Many women tell me that it’s as or more important than the physical.
It’s fascinating to me that we are the only species and gender that is sexually aroused by our own pheromones. In other words, for us to feel sexual desire, we women have to feel sexy. Many women tell me that as their body changes in perimenopause, so does their feeling of attractiveness, which is often still tied to youthful images that are no longer realistic to attain or maintain.
Some women connect sex with reproduction and find that sex in the post-pregnancy years may seem inappropriate or even shameful. Others have been willing to let their partners drive the sexual process for so long that now they are unwilling or unable to be assertive and ask for their own sexual satisfaction.
Today more and more women are finding themselves single in their midlife and the idea of dating intimacy with someone else can feel overwhelming or scary. 
Or you may still be with your same partner but find you’re facing struggles working through some issues. If there are unresolved issues in your relationship, they will likely emerge during perimenopause and may lead you to question your sexual relationship as well.
Relationship dynamics often play out in the bedroom and issues of control, respect, consideration, communication, along with your problem solving abilities and styles, can impact intimacy and trust, which in turn makes it challenging to sustain sexual desire.
Often dynamics that have been in place for years suddenly take on more meaning or impact, surprising women who wonder why all of a sudden, they are bothered by something they had accepted previously. Menopause is a time for women to find their voice and reach clarity on who they are and what they want. It’s no surprise that part of that process involves our intimate relationships and sexual experiences.
If your relationship is struggling, in or out of the bedroom, now is the time to begin to talk to your partner and work through your unresolved issues. If you need help, find a relationship or sexual therapist to guide you. Don’t assume that they will go away: menopause has a way of bringing issues to the surface and if you don’t address them, your body will face them sooner or later.
It’s also important to mention that if you are carrying around guilt, shame or trauma from a previous sexual experience, it’s time to deal with it and get some help. It’s estimated that one in three women experiences some kind of sexual trauma during their lives so there is no need to carry guilt or shame. Seeking professional help can have benefits far beyond your sex life.
Staking Your Sexual Claim
Sexuality and sex drive aren’t constants throughout our lives. What feels right and good to us in our twenties will morph as we settle down and raise families and then will shift again as we transition through menopause and find our true selves again, or perhaps for the first time!
Menopause is a great time to reflect on who we are and what we want, in all aspects of our lives, including our sex lives. It’s also a time to grow and explore and try new things, so don’t be afraid to think or talk about what you might want with your partner. A sexy movie, a juicy book, a candlelit bath, or a trip to sex boutique may be just the ticket to rekindling your desire.