Safe (and Enjoyable) Sex in Your Middle Years
Sharing important past life experiences sheds light on who he is and how he became that way; learning about sexual experiences and views on commitment, relationships, fidelity, sexual expression and freedom can build intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
Without it being a sexual inquisition, these loving conversations can yield healthy and helpful information for you both to explore the journey you have taken and how you came to be who you are now.
In the end, however, while these important conversations will provide helpful insights into your new partner, you cannot be sure that your partner is being 100% honest with someone they have newly met or that they are healthy (even if they have been a monk since their last relationship) unless they have been tested. So after you have had these conversations, you may want to share your desire and why you feel it’s important. You might share that you read about the increasing incidence of STDs in the 45-64 year old age group, which we’ll discuss more later.
Or perhaps you feel that you want to set a good example to the younger generation by practicing what you preach about safe sex. You might discuss your desire to take more control of your health and suggest that sex will be much more enjoyable if you both know and feel that you are safe. Or you may choose to be more direct and simply say that you are getting tested and suggest that he do so as well before you become intimate.
Whatever approach feels right for you, just present your concerns in a loving non-judgmental way and simply share that you love and respect your body and want to ensure it is there for you in a healthy way for a long time. Ask that he respect your wishes by respecting your body, your health, and your desire to feel safe by engaging in safe sex with a condom for six months until you can both be tested.
STD testing for men is a simple, easy process so you don’t need to feel bad about asking. You have an amazing, incredible body and it is the only one you are ever going to have – isn’t it worth taking simple precautions to ensure it serves you well for a long, long time?
I’m in a Monogamous Relationship – What You Should Know About Monogamy and STDs
Once you have passed the waiting period of six months, either by waiting or by using condoms, and you’ve both been tested, monogamy means the freedom to explore your sexual passions and desires and to experience healthy and exciting sex with a committed partner! But the truth is that even if you are already in a long-term, committed relationship, you are still not without the risk of contracting STDs.
One reason is because, as we discussed previously, many viruses can remain dormant and symptom-free for years. Either you, or your partner, may have been exposed before you even began the relationship. You may be totally unaware that you have an infection and that you could be spreading it to your partner.
Statistically, men are less likely to go in for check ups or to be screened for sexually transmitted diseases than women. Because men are also more likely to be asymptomatic than women, you can’t be sure that sex is safe, even if you’ve been together for awhile. The only way to know for sure is to be tested.
And not to be the bearer of bad news, but monogamy is not always monogamy. One survey revealed that 22%, or one in five adults, in a committed partnership had cheated on their partner. Another poll indicated that nearly half admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their lives. That may not be the case in your relationship, but it’s just another reason why it makes sense to ensure that you have full peace of mind by getting screened.
I believe that if we want to be authentic and practice what we preach to our youth, we should practice safe sex. Even if the chances that you are infected with an STD are slim, as women we can lead by example, take charge of our own sexual health and get tested. So let’s look now at what you need to know about STDs in today’s world.
Common STDs
There are several types of common STDs – some are treatable and curable, while others remain with you for life, though they can be controlled. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis (in it’s early stages) and trichomonas are examples of STDs that can treated with medication and “cured.”